Monday, 31 December 2007

School, Glorious School!

Let me just start by saying never ever travel by PBT, I think my stomach has only just caught up with the rest of my body. Ginger beer definitely does not help… some of that has just recently caught up too, not pleasant. Anyway, I promised to tell you all about school.

The school is absolutely massive; I suppose it would have to be with over 300 dragons living there. It’s hidden away under Loch Ness and its entrance is near the ruins of Urqhuart castle. Two water dragons (Anessya and Elwyind) guard the loch as well, helps to keep humans away from the school. Obviously I can’t tell you exactly how to find the entrance or how to get in, it would be far too dangerous for a human to know.

I share my room with 12 other first years. It sounds similar to human schools, with everyone split into four houses: Earth, Air, Fire and Water. That doesn’t happen until the end of the first year though, until then we are just classes 1, 2, 3 and 4. I’m in class 3.

I have 2 new friends, Spike and Ruby. They both share the same room as me but only Spike is in class three, Ruby is class 1. I’ll tell you more about them next time.

Apparently there are things hidden in the school, I’m not sure what exactly but I intend to find out!

See ya Soon

Fluff xx

Friday, 7 December 2007

It's off to school I go!

Just thought it was about time I gave you a quick update on what's been happening. I managed to get my books through the Dragon School Bookshop, one was delivered here, the others will be waiting for me when I arrive at school.

Speaking of school, I leave in a couple of hours! We have a second year dragon rep. coming round to escort me there. Flying is banned until we've passed an exam so we have to travel by something called P.B.T. Apparently it stands for Portable Bermuda Triangle... I think it's pretty obvious what it's named after. From what I've heard, it works along the same lines as the actual Bermuda Triangle although on a much smaller scale... It wouldn't do to have half of England disappear suddenly. I've been informed to drink lots of ginger beer, it helps with the effects of travelling via P.B.T and also (according to How to avoid...) is an excellent dragon breath freshener.

The school has all the latest gadgets so I'll be able to carry on posting from my room, just think, my very own scratch/claw proof computer! Anyway, I have to go and finish packing the last of my things, I'll post again as soon as I've settled in and tell you all about the school. I'm so excited I could sing... if only my vocal cords were designed for it.

See ya soon,

Fluff xx

Friday, 30 November 2007

The Art of Fire

I forgot to e-mail the school but it would seem Dragon School isn't actually optional, I just received a letter anyway, saying that I have now been enrolled. I got sent a reading list as well, where on earth do you by books for dragon school? The big bookshop in town thought Iggy was joking when he asked if they could get The Art of Fire: Combustible Snot for Beginners. I think there must be an online bookshop, I'll have to check.

Other books included were:
  • A Brief History of Mankind (apparently only 4 pages long)
  • A Concise Overview of Dragonlore (10 Books! Not pages, whole books!)
  • Humans - Friend or Food?
  • How to Avoid Hero Breath, and other useful tips.
I don't know what the lessons will include but I'm starting to look forward to it now, not long to wait!

Sunday, 11 November 2007

Whatever next?

Three days ago the strangest thing yet happened... a letter arrived. For me. It came though the letterbox with all the other post, it was a bit warm and scorched several bills but no one really minded that. Anyway, it cleared up any of the doubts I may have had about my identity I can tell you. This is the letter:

So you see, it's official. I am a dragon. A snot combusting, firebreathing, purple scaled, sharp clawed, large winged, highly intelligent dragon. I'm not to sure what this dragon school is though, I don't think I'll apply I like it here with Iggy.

Fluff x

Monday, 22 October 2007

Mad dogs and crazy Englishmen

Tabitha is still staying with the family so my Marmite crisp supply is still good although she decided chocolate spread wasn't good for me. Is chocolate spread good for anyone?

The sheep continues to do... not a lot. I very nearly (accidentally I hasten to add) barbecued it but it happened to move just as I sneezed so the disaster was averted. I think Mr S. may have spent too much time observing it, it seems to be quite attached to him.

Iggy had his friend round to visit for the last 2 days and I have to say he is the strangest boy I have ever met (not that I've met that many). He agreed with Tabitha that I am not a dog, which is an acceptable assumption and I too have been wondering this. It was after this that he got strange, perhaps even a little mad (the crazy, nutty, lost your marbles kind of mad). We were sat in the kitchen, myself, Tabitha, Iggy and his friend Max. Tabitha was feeding me Marmite crisps and Max was staring at me with a slightly horrified expression (not everyone likes marmite so I wasn't alarmed). "Where did you say you got it?" he asked Iggy.
It? It? Whatever next.

"Dunno really, she just sorta turned up one day, she looked a bit of a mess so we took her in." I can't really remember much about how I ended up here but I'm sure I could never have looked a mess!

"You know she's not a dog right?" I stared at him and he made a weird squeaking type noise I wasn't aware humans made. "She's a... erm... a... You have a pet dragon!"

I couldn't help it... I honestly tried not to but I laughed. Somehow the laugh triggered some sort of nasal combustion again and the beautiful flowers in the middle of the table weren't quite as beautiful any more. When I tried to point out that dragons are not real Max fainted. I'm hoping it was due to shock rather than my breath but Tabitha gave me a mint just in case.

I can't be a dragon can I? I mean... they don't exist! I'm so confused.

Fluff x

Wednesday, 26 September 2007

Is it a cloud, is it a plane, no it's... really boring

Well, I'm a bit concerned about The Sheep. It started making some very odd sounds earlier, a sort of 'blarghhhhhhh'. Is it normal for them to do that?

I did a bit of research about sheep. Apparently you can tell how old a sheep is by looking at it's teeth. I wonder if that works for humans too? Can't say I'd like to stick my paws in their mouth though. I tried with Iggy but he didn't think much of the idea. I also found out that they run when they are afraid, so The Sheep is either very brave or very stupid because so far I've only seen it move to go to the loo and to eat.

I'm going to go with very stupid.

And now for Tabitha! That's her on the right, she's Iggy's cousin but she is staying with the family for a while because of some decorating at home. She's only 4 and sometimes thinks it's fun to pull my tail. I don't mind because she feeds me chocolate spread and Marmite crisps (not at the same time though because that would be disgusting).

She likes to dress up and told me this morning that I'm not a dog. Coming from a girl who says she's a dragon I wasn't too worried, we all know dragons don't exist.

Oh, I even managed not to set fire to anything today, or melt anything and I haven't stuck my claws through anything important, yet. I better go before I do.

Fluff x

Tuesday, 25 September 2007

The Sheep

This is The Sheep. Iggy says it should be called Minty, which I'm sure probably isn't very nice.

Anyway, Mr S informs me that all it seems to do is eat and poop. Nothing at all sinister has happened, nothing even vaguely shocking. Oh, except for the smell, it certainly shocked me. I'm not sure it was the sheep though because Mr S went strangely quiet as it wafted past, which is quite unlike him.

I don't know much about sheep. I think I'll do some research, that way I'll be ready for it's attack. It's my turn for watch duty in a moment so I'll have to go. I'll let you know how it went tomorrow. Oh, I said I'd tell you about Tabitha... I don't have time now so I'll dig out a picture for tomorrow and tell you about her then as well!

Fluff x

Friday, 21 September 2007

Ooops I did it again... and again... and again...

Ok, firstly I want to explain why it's taken so long for me to post. There are a few reasons behind this absence:

1. The combustible snot. After accidentally discovering how flame retardant most of the house furniture
wasn't, it was decided that it may be better if I didn't have access to the rather expensive computer. I can see the logic.

2. The growing. I've been growing... a lot. I spent 2 days stuck in the dog house backwards before Iggy realised I wasn't sulking but actually wedged so tightly that I was in danger of gassing myself if I farted. Wouldn't like to think what would happen if I sneezed too. Incidentally, claws are extremely difficult to type with, if you press too hard you can actually impale the keys on them.

3. The new pet. I'm not too sure what it is but it isn't a dog. Or a cat. Iggy says it's a sheep but I'm not convinced. It's all fluffy and 'cute' looking (Tabitha's description, certainly not mine) and makes strange noises. It doesn't appear to have a brain although I assume it does and I trust it even less than Mr S.

The move to the new site is also postponed, Iggy assures me he'll 'get round to it', he just doesn't want me to melt his PC.

Now for the news, Mr S and I have called a truce. Since the arrival of The Sheep we have been united in our mistrust and have set up a strict watch rota. If this so called sheep makes one wrong move we'll know about it... unless Mr S falls asleep again.

Oh and if you were wondering wh Tabitha is I'll explain all next tim. I hav t g nw, Iggy's cming and I hav tw lttrs stuck t my claws.

Fluff x

P.S. I wasn't hr, yu didn't just rad this...

Thursday, 21 June 2007

Not gone.... just moving :)

Yes, I know I've been gone for a while but it's not because of anything sinister. I'm going to be moving to a shiny new website, once Iggy has finished messing around with it that is. I'll soon be back to keeping you lovely people updated on my progress and the deviousness that is Mr S! Believe me, there is a lot to catch up on... especially my accident with the the tv remote, hehe.

Back Soon!


Tuesday, 27 February 2007

Spontaneous Combustion and Spit Roast Snuggles

Things have been pretty busy for the last few weeks. What started as a bad case of smoking hiccups has resulted in something far more worrying. It would seem I now have a cold although it is a far more violent one than usual and not particularly cold. It all started about a week after the trip to the vet, while I was attempting to continue my revenge on Mr S. I decided that my next trick would be to add some chili powder to his 'secret' stash of cat crunchies. This would have been perfect, he wouldn't be able to tell anyone what I had done because he shouldn't have a secret stash (he's been put on a diet, hehe).

Anyway, all would have gone smoothly if Mr S hadn't decided to reappear from his morning wander at the exact moment I opened the chili powder. In my rush to get the job done quickly and remove any evidence that would alert him to what I'd been up to, I knocked the powder over and ended up wearing a fair amount of the stuff. As you can imagine, chili powder isn't something that will pass unnoticed with my new colours and so I made a disastrous mistake... I tried to blow the stuff off.

Mr S noticed me hidden under the hydrangea and started to come over (to be honest, with the amount of noise I was making after inhaling chili powder I may as well have placed a neon sign over me). Just as he reached me the chili powder managed to find its way up my nose and made me sneeze. Unfortunately for Mr S it was also at this point that my hiccups disappeared and I spontaneously combusted (well, the contents of my nose did at least). Instead of covering him in the delights of my nasal cavities I set fire to his tail and singed his whiskers. Mr Snuggles threw himself into the pond, panicked because he can't swim and then realised he could still reach the bottom. Knowing what's good for me, I gathered up as much chili powder as I could and ran.

The incident was ignored, Iggy said that because I'd been unfairly punished for caticide already it was only fair that I wasn't held responsible this time as it was an accident (I didn't mention the chili powder). Since then though I have been sneezing a lot and each time the sneeze is catching fire with more and more strength. So far I've managed to hide the new problem from the family but I'm running out of room to hide the things that get burnt. They're sure to notice the rather large hole in the curtains before long!

Combustible snot, what on earth will happen next?


Sunday, 18 February 2007

All Change...

Strange things are happening lately, first on the list is my fancy new colour. Gone is the golden tinge, replaced by a (rather fetching I must say) white and purple. As it turns out I'm also female, which is probably just as well with my new colouring. Iggy decided he wanted a professional pet portrait of me so we went for a trip into town yesterday. This is me (on the left) with my new look. Not sure what made me change colour, I didn't think that this kind of thing happened to dogs.

Second strange thing was when I got the hiccups. Doesn't sound too odd I know, but I'm sure normally you don't hiccup smoke... I know I never have in the past. It was because of this that I was taken on a trip to the vets, which was where the third thing occurred.

I sat with Iggy and his mum in the waiting room at the vets, on my best behaviour of course. No one seemed to take any notice of me but I didn't mind, it meant I could relieve myself under the chairs without being spotted... I knew I shouldn't have finished the whole bowl of water before we left. When we finally made it in to see the vet I was lifted onto the table. I felt quite nervous by this time, the room had posters off all sorts of evil looking bugs and things that live on pets.
Anyway, the vet walked in and started to say, "So what can I do for fluffy today..." before promptly screaming and running out of the room. I had a quick sniff in case I'd accidentally farted or something but I can assure you I hadn't. Iggy told me that this wasn't typical vet behaviour and that usually it was in fact the pets that would scream and run. I have to admit this made me feel even more nervous. The vet never returned, instead a nurse came in and said she was sorry but the surgery didn't deal with exotic pets.

I don't think I'll venture out too far again and just stick to the garden. Nothing there seems too alarmed by my presence, except for Mr S. next door who always seems slightly apprehensive when he sees me. I think that could be because I swapped his dish of milk for glue a week ago, hehe.

I wonder how long I'll be stuck hiccuping smoke... hope it isn't a sign I'm about to spontaneously combust.


Thursday, 1 February 2007

Unexplained Absences

You may have noticed my absence for the past month (you may not have or alternatively you may not have cared). While to you this absence would appear unexplained, there is of course a very sensible explanation. Due to my 'unruly behaviour' early last month I was exiled to the dog house (which was purchased shortly after my last post). What was this terrible behaviour of mine? I ate next doors cat. Obviously I didn't really eat the cat but that is the crime I was reprimanded for none the less.

It was on the 3rd of January when the event in question occurred. I had been routing through the bins... I mean, I had been sniffing for foxes round the bins when a scream came from next door. This was nothing unusual, the woman next door often screams, I think she likes to exercise her lungs or something. It could be because of the mice the cat takes in now I come to think of it, they don't always look like they are ready to be cat food. Anyway, this time I knew something was amiss, it may have been something to do with the shouts of 'That damn dog' (What she actually said can't be repeated in polite society... well in any society).

And that's when it happened, I was accused of caticide. I admit there was 'evidence' but (I thought) it was obvious to anyone that it was fake, a set up. I was wrong. The cats collar surrounded by bones was enough to convince everyone that I was guilty. My suggestion that the bones were far too small to belong to a cat were ignored, 'why would Mr Snuggles' collar be amongst bones if they weren't his?' I was far too taken aback by the Mr Snuggles bit to suggest that they could have belonged to his breakfast and that he was in fact far more intelligent than anyone thought (myself included).

After Iggy's mum managed to calm the woman down with a nice cup of tea (the miracle cure), my punishment was discussed and everyone agreed that I should be exiled to the garden (there was no longer the fear I would eat the cat because I already had, even though I hadn't). And so my punishment began, even the weather seemed to have it in for me with the wind and rain, even snow one morning. I have to admit, towards the end of the month I was beginning to wonder what actually had happened to Mr Snuggles (heehee, still have to chuckle at that name). When the woman next door appeared this morning I didn't know whether to be thankful or angry. In her arms, with the smuggest look you've ever seen, was the one and only Mr S. Collarless but in one piece and with all his bones in their rightful places, he'd been tucked up in a pile of blankets in the garage with two boxes of cat crunchies. A well thought out scheme, too well thought out.

Once again I am allowed indoors and have received an apology from everyone except the pair next door. World domination is no longer a priority, in fact, world domination is cancelled. Mr S, this is war.