Tuesday, 27 February 2007

Spontaneous Combustion and Spit Roast Snuggles

Things have been pretty busy for the last few weeks. What started as a bad case of smoking hiccups has resulted in something far more worrying. It would seem I now have a cold although it is a far more violent one than usual and not particularly cold. It all started about a week after the trip to the vet, while I was attempting to continue my revenge on Mr S. I decided that my next trick would be to add some chili powder to his 'secret' stash of cat crunchies. This would have been perfect, he wouldn't be able to tell anyone what I had done because he shouldn't have a secret stash (he's been put on a diet, hehe).

Anyway, all would have gone smoothly if Mr S hadn't decided to reappear from his morning wander at the exact moment I opened the chili powder. In my rush to get the job done quickly and remove any evidence that would alert him to what I'd been up to, I knocked the powder over and ended up wearing a fair amount of the stuff. As you can imagine, chili powder isn't something that will pass unnoticed with my new colours and so I made a disastrous mistake... I tried to blow the stuff off.

Mr S noticed me hidden under the hydrangea and started to come over (to be honest, with the amount of noise I was making after inhaling chili powder I may as well have placed a neon sign over me). Just as he reached me the chili powder managed to find its way up my nose and made me sneeze. Unfortunately for Mr S it was also at this point that my hiccups disappeared and I spontaneously combusted (well, the contents of my nose did at least). Instead of covering him in the delights of my nasal cavities I set fire to his tail and singed his whiskers. Mr Snuggles threw himself into the pond, panicked because he can't swim and then realised he could still reach the bottom. Knowing what's good for me, I gathered up as much chili powder as I could and ran.

The incident was ignored, Iggy said that because I'd been unfairly punished for caticide already it was only fair that I wasn't held responsible this time as it was an accident (I didn't mention the chili powder). Since then though I have been sneezing a lot and each time the sneeze is catching fire with more and more strength. So far I've managed to hide the new problem from the family but I'm running out of room to hide the things that get burnt. They're sure to notice the rather large hole in the curtains before long!

Combustible snot, what on earth will happen next?


1 comment:

Wilf said...

Blowing combustible snot is a rare and precious talent to possess. I am quite jealous.