You may have noticed my absence for the past month (you may not have or alternatively you may not have cared). While to you this absence would appear unexplained, there is of course a very sensible explanation. Due to my 'unruly behaviour' early last month I was exiled to the dog house (which was purchased shortly after my last post). What was this terrible behaviour of mine? I ate next doors cat. Obviously I didn't really eat the cat but that is the crime I was reprimanded for none the less.
It was on the 3rd of January when the event in question occurred. I had been routing through the bins... I mean, I had been sniffing for foxes round the bins when a scream came from next door. This was nothing unusual, the woman next door often screams, I think she likes to exercise her lungs or something. It could be because of the mice the cat takes in now I come to think of it, they don't always look like they are ready to be cat food. Anyway, this time I knew something was amiss, it may have been something to do with the shouts of 'That damn dog' (What she actually said can't be repeated in polite society... well in any society).
And that's when it happened, I was accused of caticide. I admit there was 'evidence' but (I thought) it was obvious to anyone that it was fake, a set up. I was wrong. The cats collar surrounded by bones was enough to convince everyone that I was guilty. My suggestion that the bones were far too small to belong to a cat were ignored, 'why would Mr Snuggles' collar be amongst bones if they weren't his?' I was far too taken aback by the Mr Snuggles bit to suggest that they could have belonged to his breakfast and that he was in fact far more intelligent than anyone thought (myself included).
After Iggy's mum managed to calm the woman down with a nice cup of tea (the miracle cure), my punishment was discussed and everyone agreed that I should be exiled to the garden (there was no longer the fear I would eat the cat because I already had, even though I hadn't). And so my punishment began, even the weather seemed to have it in for me with the wind and rain, even snow one morning. I have to admit, towards the end of the month I was beginning to wonder what actually had happened to Mr Snuggles (heehee, still have to chuckle at that name). When the woman next door appeared this morning I didn't know whether to be thankful or angry. In her arms, with the smuggest look you've ever seen, was the one and only Mr S. Collarless but in one piece and with all his bones in their rightful places, he'd been tucked up in a pile of blankets in the garage with two boxes of cat crunchies. A well thought out scheme, too well thought out.
Once again I am allowed indoors and have received an apology from everyone except the pair next door. World domination is no longer a priority, in fact, world domination is cancelled. Mr S, this is war.