Friday, 29 December 2006

Turkey, Cats and World Domination

So I was thinking, I can't just keep saying 'My Owner'... well I could but that would just be stupid, he has a name so I may as well use it. Besides, he hates his name almost as much as I hate mine. I kid you not when I tell you his name is Ignatius Snoxall. That's him on the right by the way, he's 13. That's enough about Iggy though, you want to read about me not him. Who can blame you? I'm far more interesting than any human even if I do say so myself.

I sometimes contemplate world domination. I'd be good at that, though being of dubious existence I'm not entirely sure it would work. I was going to give it a try over this holiday you call Christmas but it looks like the turkeys beat me to it. Poor things, they must have gone wrong somewhere in their strategy because it seems that most of their population was overcome. You humans even cooked them and served them for Christmas dinner, no doubt a warning to any fellow turkeymen that may be left. I'm still eating the leftovers you know, Iggy declared it was no longer fit for human consumption and promptly put it in my food bowl, charming. Still, it's better than sprouts. I had more wind than a brass band after a couple of those.

I fancied a change from turkey yesterday, but apparently eating the next door neighbours cat isn't the polite thing to do. I tried to tell them it was okay, I'm not polite but they didn't listen. I was sent to the dog house as punishment until they remembered we don't have one. They sent me to Iggy's room instead, I think they were worried I'd eat the cat if they sent me outside.

I think I'll try world domination in June, June's a good month don't you think?


Thursday, 28 December 2006

Fluffy by name but not by nature...

Lets start with the basics, my name is Fluffy and I live with a family in England. Yes, I'm a pet and I'm still pretty much a baby as you can see from my picture. Most people comment on my name because, well, I'm quite clearly the least fluffy thing you are ever likely to see. Lets be honest, a mouldy carrot has more fluff than me! Why am I called Fluffy then? My owner thought it would be funny... I didn't agree. I wiped the smile off his face when I left a little present on his bed though, hehe.

I'm also suffering an identity crisis (not because of my name), I know this because I read about it in a book. You see I always thought I was a dragon but apparently they don't exist. This left me with a problem, either I'm not a dragon or I don't exist. I am pretty sure I exist, it's hard to type if you don't so that logically means I'm not a dragon. So, after much consideration I came to the conclusion that I must be a rare and exotic breed of dog. My owner suggested I was a hybrid lab experiment gone wrong but he shut up when I waved my bum in the direction of his bedroom.

You know, I think I have this pet thing down to a fine art but I'll share more of that with you another time... I think my owner just found the shoe I chewed up and hid under his bed, oops.

See ya soon