Not gone.... just moving :)

Yes, I know I've been gone for a while but it's not because of anything sinister. I'm going to be moving to a shiny new website, once Iggy has finished messing around with it that is. I'll soon be back to keeping you lovely people updated on my progress and the deviousness that is Mr S! Believe me, there is a lot to catch up on... especially my accident with the the tv remote, hehe.

Back Soon!

Fluff

Spontaneous Combustion and Spit Roast Snuggles

Things have been pretty busy for the last few weeks. What started as a bad case of smoking hiccups has resulted in something far more worrying. It would seem I now have a cold although it is a far more violent one than usual and not particularly cold. It all started about a week after the trip to the vet, while I was attempting to continue my revenge on Mr S. I decided that my next trick would be to add some chili powder to his 'secret' stash of cat crunchies. This would have been perfect, he wouldn't be able to tell anyone what I had done because he shouldn't have a secret stash (he's been put on a diet, hehe).

Anyway, all would have gone smoothly if Mr S hadn't decided to reappear from his morning wander at the exact moment I opened the chili powder. In my rush to get the job done quickly and remove any evidence that would alert him to what I'd been up to, I knocked the powder over and ended up wearing a fair amount of the stuff. As you can imagine, chili powder isn't something that will pass unnoticed with my new colours and so I made a disastrous mistake... I tried to blow the stuff off.

Mr S noticed me hidden under the hydrangea and started to come over (to be honest, with the amount of noise I was making after inhaling chili powder I may as well have placed a neon sign over me). Just as he reached me the chili powder managed to find its way up my nose and made me sneeze. Unfortunately for Mr S it was also at this point that my hiccups disappeared and I spontaneously combusted (well, the contents of my nose did at least). Instead of covering him in the delights of my nasal cavities I set fire to his tail and singed his whiskers. Mr Snuggles threw himself into the pond, panicked because he can't swim and then realised he could still reach the bottom. Knowing what's good for me, I gathered up as much chili powder as I could and ran.

The incident was ignored, Iggy said that because I'd been unfairly punished for caticide already it was only fair that I wasn't held responsible this time as it was an accident (I didn't mention the chili powder). Since then though I have been sneezing a lot and each time the sneeze is catching fire with more and more strength. So far I've managed to hide the new problem from the family but I'm running out of room to hide the things that get burnt. They're sure to notice the rather large hole in the curtains before long!

Combustible snot, what on earth will happen next?

Fluff

All Change...

Strange things are happening lately, first on the list is my fancy new colour. Gone is the golden tinge, replaced by a (rather fetching I must say) white and purple. As it turns out I'm also female, which is probably just as well with my new colouring. Iggy decided he wanted a professional pet portrait of me so we went for a trip into town yesterday. This is me (on the left) with my new look. Not sure what made me change colour, I didn't think that this kind of thing happened to dogs.

Second strange thing was when I got the hiccups. Doesn't sound too odd I know, but I'm sure normally you don't hiccup smoke... I know I never have in the past. It was because of this that I was taken on a trip to the vets, which was where the third thing occurred.

I sat with Iggy and his mum in the waiting room at the vets, on my best behaviour of course. No one seemed to take any notice of me but I didn't mind, it meant I could relieve myself under the chairs without being spotted... I knew I shouldn't have finished the whole bowl of water before we left. When we finally made it in to see the vet I was lifted onto the table. I felt quite nervous by this time, the room had posters off all sorts of evil looking bugs and things that live on pets. Anyway, the vet walked in and started to say, "So what can I do for fluffy today..." before promptly screaming and running out of the room. I had a quick sniff in case I'd accidentally farted or something but I can assure you I hadn't. Iggy told me that this wasn't typical vet behaviour and that usually it was in fact the pets that would scream and run. I have to admit this made me feel even more nervous. The vet never returned, instead a nurse came in and said she was sorry but the surgery didn't deal with exotic pets.

I don't think I'll venture out too far again and just stick to the garden. Nothing there seems too alarmed by my presence, except for Mr S. next door who always seems slightly apprehensive when he sees me. I think that could be because I swapped his dish of milk for glue a week ago, hehe.

I wonder how long I'll be stuck hiccuping smoke... hope it isn't a sign I'm about to spontaneously combust.

Fluff

Unexplained Absences

You may have noticed my absence for the past month (you may not have or alternatively you may not have cared). While to you this absence would appear unexplained, there is of course a very sensible explanation. Due to my 'unruly behaviour' early last month I was exiled to the dog house (which was purchased shortly after my last post). What was this terrible behaviour of mine? I ate next doors cat. Obviously I didn't really eat the cat but that is the crime I was reprimanded for none the less.

It was on the 3rd of January when the event in question occurred. I had been routing through the bins... I mean, I had been sniffing for foxes round the bins when a scream came from next door. This was nothing unusual, the woman next door often screams, I think she likes to exercise her lungs or something. It could be because of the mice the cat takes in now I come to think of it, they don't always look like they are ready to be cat food. Anyway, this time I knew something was amiss, it may have been something to do with the shouts of 'That damn dog' (What she actually said can't be repeated in polite society... well in any society).

And that's when it happened, I was accused of caticide. I admit there was 'evidence' but (I thought) it was obvious to anyone that it was fake, a set up. I was wrong. The cats collar surrounded by bones was enough to convince everyone that I was guilty. My suggestion that the bones were far too small to belong to a cat were ignored, 'why would Mr Snuggles' collar be amongst bones if they weren't his?' I was far too taken aback by the Mr Snuggles bit to suggest that they could have belonged to his breakfast and that he was in fact far more intelligent than anyone thought (myself included).

After Iggy's mum managed to calm the woman down with a nice cup of tea (the miracle cure), my punishment was discussed and everyone agreed that I should be exiled to the garden (there was no longer the fear I would eat the cat because I already had, even though I hadn't). And so my punishment began, even the weather seemed to have it in for me with the wind and rain, even snow one morning. I have to admit, towards the end of the month I was beginning to wonder what actually had happened to Mr Snuggles (heehee, still have to chuckle at that name). When the woman next door appeared this morning I didn't know whether to be thankful or angry. In her arms, with the smuggest look you've ever seen, was the one and only Mr S. Collarless but in one piece and with all his bones in their rightful places, he'd been tucked up in a pile of blankets in the garage with two boxes of cat crunchies. A well thought out scheme, too well thought out.

Once again I am allowed indoors and have received an apology from everyone except the pair next door. World domination is no longer a priority, in fact, world domination is cancelled. Mr S, this is war.

Fluff

Turkey, Cats and World Domination

So I was thinking, I can't just keep saying 'My Owner'... well I could but that would just be stupid, he has a name so I may as well use it. Besides, he hates his name almost as much as I hate mine. I kid you not when I tell you his name is Ignatius Snoxall. That's him on the right by the way, he's 13. That's enough about Iggy though, you want to read about me not him. Who can blame you? I'm far more interesting than any human even if I do say so myself.

I sometimes contemplate world domination. I'd be good at that, though being of dubious existence I'm not entirely sure it would work. I was going to give it a try over this holiday you call Christmas but it looks like the turkeys beat me to it. Poor things, they must have gone wrong somewhere in their strategy because it seems that most of their population was overcome. You humans even cooked them and served them for Christmas dinner, no doubt a warning to any fellow turkeymen that may be left. I'm still eating the leftovers you know, Iggy declared it was no longer fit for human consumption and promptly put it in my food bowl, charming. Still, it's better than sprouts. I had more wind than a brass band after a couple of those.

I fancied a change from turkey yesterday, but apparently eating the next door neighbours cat isn't the polite thing to do. I tried to tell them it was okay, I'm not polite but they didn't listen. I was sent to the dog house as punishment until they remembered we don't have one. They sent me to Iggy's room instead, I think they were worried I'd eat the cat if they sent me outside.

I think I'll try world domination in June, June's a good month don't you think?

Fluff

Fluffy by name but not by nature...

Lets start with the basics, my name is Fluffy and I live with a family in England. Yes, I'm a pet and I'm still pretty much a baby as you can see from my picture. Most people comment on my name because, well, I'm quite clearly the least fluffy thing you are ever likely to see. Lets be honest, a mouldy carrot has more fluff than me! Why am I called Fluffy then? My owner thought it would be funny... I didn't agree. I wiped the smile off his face when I left a little present on his bed though, hehe.

I'm also suffering an identity crisis (not because of my name), I know this because I read about it in a book. You see I always thought I was a dragon but apparently they don't exist. This left me with a problem, either I'm not a dragon or I don't exist. I am pretty sure I exist, it's hard to type if you don't so that logically means I'm not a dragon. So, after much consideration I came to the conclusion that I must be a rare and exotic breed of dog. My owner suggested I was a hybrid lab experiment gone wrong but he shut up when I waved my bum in the direction of his bedroom.

You know, I think I have this pet thing down to a fine art but I'll share more of that with you another time... I think my owner just found the shoe I chewed up and hid under his bed, oops.

See ya soon

Fluff